I read this some 9 years ago-ish. It is absolutely hilarious. Laugh out loud ("LOL") hilarious. Almost as hilarious as my LOL joke I just did.
So I read this and the intro to the book by Jerry Seinfeld and sort of always assumed that Ted L. Nancy was Seinfeld. But, alas, Ted L. Nancy is the pseudonym for Barry Marder as this link will tell you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_L._Nancy Either way, it just doesn't get much funnier than this book.
I guess I should tell you what the book is all about. It is just a series of letters written by this guy to hotels, companies, etc. with crazy requests or ideas. On the left side of the page is his letter and on the right side of the page is the usually serious yet confused response from the company or hotel. It is awesome.
A few of my favorite letters include:
A letter to a hotel asking if the lost and found department has found his missing tooth. "It is a small hard whitish object. The size of a piece of corn. It has a rippled top; speck of silver embedded in the top."
His hilarious response to that hotels response informing him that they had searched for the tooth but to no avail. The letter included a "Certificate of Excellence" that has a picture of a 1st place badge, a birthday cake with candles, and a crowd cheering. Ha ha, oh man.
A letter to the California Institute of Technology's Physics Department. "Doesn't it make sense to you, that if you weighed 150 pounds, and you could lift 300 pounds, you should be able to fly by sitting on a chair and lifting it up?" And he closes the letter with: "I hope to excel in Physics some day like you. I think I'm doing 'ok' now."
A letter to the Topps Baseball Card Company informing them that he has in his possession "Nine and some shavings but a full set" of Micky Mantle's toenails and would like to donate it to them. "He had trouble with the last nail but eventually his diligence paid off."
A letter to Hanes Underwear with his idea for "Six Day Underwear" that has "three leg hole openings."
A letter to a hotel and casino asking if it is ok if he wore his lucky clothes to gamble in which is a shrimp costume, "a reddish veiny body outfit with a brittle curved fintail. The top of my head will be hardish and crunchy and have tarter sauce on it."
A letter to a hotel requesting certain accommodations because he looks exactly like Abraham Lincoln and does not want to be bothered by people. "People love Lincoln! One guy tried to give me his Lincoln car once, that's how impressed he was. I did not take it, of course. But I have been in the tunnel."
A letter to the Minnesota Twins asking if he could be the new mascot - The Minnesota Twin. A mechanical twin duplicates his movements. "I dance around, move about, run, stop, start, tumble."
A letter to Highlights magazine to see if they could publish pictures of his freckle that looks like Anthony Quinn and his "mole that when bunched together kinda looks like Richard Gere. When not bunched, Andy Griffith."
Maybe my favorite letter is one to Al Gore telling him how great of a Vice President he is. "I hope that you are Vice President forever! You're more than a V.P. - you're an MVP - Most Valuable Vice President." And later, "You look like Sylvestor Stallone. Same hair."
A letter to a hotel informing them that he is "a level 4 bed wetter. Although in six months I will be reclassified a level 3." He tells them that "I like to let the hotel know so that I don't damage anything. (Plants, dresser, etc.)."
An awesome letter to Shasta soda about how he thinks it is a huge mistake that they are "changing your name to Laarksvard's Hot Cream." Ha ha.
A letter to Kal Can Cat Food Co. telling them about his 36 year old cat and how all his cat eats is their cat food. "We used to watch Chuck Berry together. But now his eyesight is bad."
I guess I will stop there, although there are many, many more amazing gems. So classic.
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